^1 J^fy 



MARCH'S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES 

MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers, L E B A N O N, O H I.Q 



The Train to Morrow 



PS 635 
.Z9 

By Jeannette Joyce 
Dopy 1 



Copyright, 1920, by March Brothere 



CHARACTERS 

Mrs. Makesure. 

Miss Prim. 

Mr. Rodeover. 

The Ticket Agent. . 

Colored Porter. / ' ' - 

Scene: {A country railway station. Agent lusy at desk. Enter a large, good- 
natured woman of Samaniha Allen type, carrying a large covered basket and 
numerous h undies, which she deposits on seat. As she stands looking about, 
she fans vigorously. At length she addresses the busy agent across the room.) 

Mrs. Makesure: I recken that train goes as usual to Morrow (tomorrow). 
{No response.) Too bad, now. He's a leetle hard of hearing! Bad for him 
with this job, too, some folk's voices is weak and they might have trouble 
finding out things. {Raises voice.) Train go as usual to Morrow (tomorrow) ? 

Agent: I do not understand your question, madam. 

Mrs. Makesure: Too bad, too bad! Worse than I thought. {Enter traveling 
man with cases which he de posies. Taking off hat he mops forehead.) 

Mr. Rodeover: A warm day! I'll say a very warm day. {Looks over with 
smile at agent who does not raise his head.) He doesn't know it, though. 

Mrs. Makesure {speaking sotto-voice) -. Law, no. He has no idea you're a 
speaking to him. Poor man, he's that deaf, I wonder he can hear the train 
a thunderin' by. Maybe you could tell me, could you, ef the train goes the 
same time to Morrow (tomorrow) 1 

Mr. Rodeover: Eh? How's that? Say that again. 

Mrs. M^vkesure {aside) : It ain't no ways possible, he's deaf, too, is it? {Raises 
voice.) Doe*^ the train go at the same time to Morrow (tomorrow) ? 



TiiK Train to Morrow 



,M 



Mr Kodeover: Oh, sure, I gi't you now, easy. Yes, it goes at the same time 
every day except Sunday. 

Mrs. Makesure: But I want to make Kure, to be certain, you know, that it 
goes to Morrow (toanorrow) ? 

Mr. Rodeover: Yes, that's right. This is Monday, tomorrow's Tuesday. The 
train goes at the same time {telling it off an fingers) Monday, Tuesday, Wed- 
nesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. See? {Enter colored porter who picks 
np grips of Mr. Rodeover.) 

Porter : Say, boss, you want these tilings to go on this here next train ? 

Mrs. Mxkksvrv. {ru.'ihing up to porter) : DoCvS this next train go to Morrow 
(tomorrow) ? 

Porter: Sure, missus, it aims to, if it doan run off the track today. 

Mrs. Makesure: But I mean, are you sure it goes to Morrow (tomorrow) ? 

Porter: I low it will, missus, but I won't swear to it. Nothin' sartin in this 
world but death and taxes, and they's not very sartin, gettin' higher all the 
time. {As he leaves, taps his head to indicate to Mr. Rodeover that she is 
out of her mind. Mr. Rodeover agrees. Enter a typical maiden school teacher, 
who seats herself near Mrs. Makesure.) 

Mrs. Makesure {offering fan) -. Here, be'ent you warm? This place is hot 's 
aji oven. 

Miss Prim: It is exceedingly warm today. Have you had a long wait? 

Mrs. Makesure: Well, not so long as I'll have yet, if I can't find anybody 
who is'nt either deaf as a stone or dumb as an idiot. Here I lowed to get to 
Morrow (tomorrow) to my son's house, but I'm likely to set hei-e for want - 
of somebody to answer a civil question. •{ 

Miss Prim: Well, you have quite a little time until tonioi-row. Did you ask 
the ticket agent? 

Mrs. Makesure: He's deaf as a post. Can't make him understand nothin'. 

Miss Prim: Deaf! And in a place where the public must depend on him. 
I'll investigate. {Goes over to agent, yells at him.) Sir, do you know that 
you have no business in such an office as this. 

Agent {looking iip, spraks aside) : Another one, two at a time, clean dippy, 
maybe I better run. 

Miss Prim : No deaf man has any buisincsvs in such an office. 

* .,,;;j OCT -1 1920 



The Tr-\in to Morrow 



Agent (angrily) : Who said I was deaf? I could hear you a square off. 

Mrs. Makesure: Well, now isn't that funny, I made sure he was deaf, when 
I asked him if the train to Morrow (tomorrow) was on time today. 

Agent: You asked what? 

Mrs. Makesure : I.ook here, I 'm tired of this foolin, ' I want to go to Morrow 
(tomorrow) to my .son's, and I want to go today. 

Agent {addressing teacher) : Now, I'll give up, Isn't that madhouse talk? 
{Enter Mr. Rode over and porter^ the latter calling train for Cokimbiis, 
Cincinnati, Marrow, Waynesville. 

IVIiss Prim {taking Mrs. Makesure hy arm; to agent) : Not at all, a slight 
error in English. She wanted to inquire if the train for Morrow went as 
usual today. {Agent falls hack exhausted; porter and Mr. Eodeover see joke.) 

{Curtain) 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



017 400 019 



MARCH'S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES 

Five (or 25 cents. Not Leas than Five Sold. 

AUNT JANE VISITS SCHOOL. By Joannettc Joyt-o. Any number of males and females. After fifty 

years Aunt Jane spends a nioniinc in a mixlern sclnxil. Her observations keep the audience In a roar. 
AUNT JEKl SUA AND I'NCLE JOSH. By Kflle LoiOse Kooglc. 1 male, 2 females. These eccentric 

folk visit the school, produiciiiB no end of fun. 
AUNT LUCINDV STAV8. Hy Willis N. Uugboe. 2 males, 2 females. Two darky characters make 

lots of fun. Clever and clean. 
"BEAT IT!" Ry Willis N. HuRhee. 3 males, 1 female. A scolding wife makes trouble for everybody, 

the parson Included. Oceans of fun. 
BETTY AND BETSY. I5y Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Betsy was advertised for sale, but 

he wnnte*! Betty. Brlcht and pretty. 
THE BUGTOWN BAND. By Archibald Humboldt. 4 males, 1 female. More fun than yoo can Imagine, 

and a little music which anyl)ody can make. 
THE BUZZVILLE NEWS. By Effie Ixtuise Koogle. 2 males, 1 female. A breezy conversation between 

the munngcr and new editor. A sure hit. 
DOT ENTERTAINS. By Klizabeth F. Ouptlll. 1 male, 1 female. Dot entertains her big sister's beau. 

and the thiiius she tells him are a plenty. A bic success. 
THE GOOSE rE.\THEKBED. By Willis N. Bu^'bee. 4 males, 1 female. A dandy little play for Irish 

and eccentric cliaracters. Easy and amuslnK. 
HASTE M.\KES WASTE. By Harriette Wilbur. 3 males. The young drug clerk hurriedly grabs the 

wrouE iKittle and learns that haste makes waste. 
IN A DOCTOifS OFFICE. By Jeannette Joyce. 4 males, 6 females. A take-off on the specialist of 

todav. Incidentally a numlxT of the follies of humanity are exposed in a laughable manner. 
I.Al GHTEK .\ND SONG. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males, 4 females. Comic dialog interspersed with 

jollv .s<il Ts, making a continuous funny story. 
LOOK O. " EOK HEZEKIAH. By Louise Hand Bascom. 3 males. 1 female. Hayseed parents visit 

college (. n. .Splendid opportunity for clever acting. Bright and amusing. 
THE LUNI TIC OB THE PROFESSOR. By Ixjulse Rand Bascom. 2 males, 2 females. The lunatic 

is mistak<», for the brain sjiecialist, which is hard on the lunatic. Great. 
MORE TIME Ol T. By Carolyn I'. Rice. 7 females. An amusing comedy dealing with the servant 

proltlem. The characters are strongly contrasted. Easy, but effective. 
NO I'EDDLERS ADMITTED. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 1 female. The busy man Intended not 

to huv, hut the peddler had a suave manner. 
OH, YOU TE.\<'HER! By C. A. Donaldson. .S males, 4 females. A splendid comedy of school life, 

showing th« amateur teacher's trials. Funny and well suited for schools. 
ONE ON THE .\GENT. By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. A clever skit, bright and telling 

repartee. Kcconiniended for all occasions. 
THE "PHYSICAL TORTURE" CLUB, By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Physical culture 

exercises for wliich Ma is too stout and Va Is too rheumatic. KiUlngly funny. 
A PROPOSAL IN (iRANDMA'S .DAY. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. Full of fun for 

the modern aiulicnce. 
R.\STUS BLINK'S MINSTRELS. By Effle Ix)ulse Koogle. For any number. His "Kinky Koons" are 

killing. The jolliest minstrel show ever. A deluge of drollery. 
"SCAT!" By l><>uise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. Cunning attempt of an old maid to prove her 

youth. Very laughable. 
SEEING THE ANI.MALS. By Clara J. Denton. 1 male, 2 females. A swell hotel clerk, a. suffragette, 

and a siMiilcd child make a lively time. A hit. 
THE SQl'.\SHVILLE FIRE BRIGADE. By Willis N. Bugbee. 3 males, 2 females, and other firemen, 

if deslnd. A brisk iiml snappy little dialog. Easy and clever. 
THE STUI'ID WITNESS. By Archibald Huralioldt. 3 males. The lawyer and witness lock horns and 

have iin awful time, but it's fun for the audience. Swift and keen. 
THE TR.VIN I.K.W KS IN TEN MINUTES. By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male. 2 females. Will they 

catch the train? Tin- awful suspense is punctured by fun and wit. 
THE TRAIN TO MORROW. By Jeannette Joyce. 3 males, 2 females. Confusion In a railway 

station resullinu' in ii<« end of fun for the audience. 
THE TRAVELINt; PHOTOGRAPHER. By Kate Alice White. 3 males, 2 females. He uneipecteilly 

visits a fanners fainilv. All work is stopped and they pose for the picture. 
AN UP-TO-D.\TE PKOPOS.AL. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. A roaring farce that will 
keer) the au(li«'ti«-e inti-rcMrd every minute. Effective when used with "A Proposal In Grandma's Day." 

WANTED: A LICENSE TO WED. By Ellz.ibeth F. Ouptlll. 2 males, 1 female. Humorous situation 
resulting from a misunderstanding. Irish dialect. 

No entertainments sent on approval or exchangred. 

MARCH BROTHERS, Pablishers, 208-210-212 Wright Ave, Lebanon, O. 



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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
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